Wee U Wee

wOOoo..Now everything is fine again for mi...every problem is solved...ben n i r back together again...But i have asked him a ques... Do u still love mi? he said yes...n izzit same as b 4?he said..mayb a bit lesser as recently happened alot of problems n our frequent quarrel blah blah...

Last few days ago..ker ker n i go cut hair together at holland V..hmm the hair stylist look cool...he is pro n had cut a style tt i liked v much..lol... hmm now i have cut my hair..is turn for mi to get it dye...haha,, but too bad..recently i pok le..saded

Hmm my bday comin soon lo...i wonder how will it turn out like...rmb one of my bday...xiao wang n pei yi came to my class with a piece of choco cake...lolx...they even light up the candle... sing bday song for mi... i m so touched...lol...tts 1 tt i cant forget de...haha,..

N once..ker ker came to my house n ton durin my bday..haha... rmb tt time my sister bought my favourite choco cake..which is damn nice..i think i gain abt 2 to 3 kg after finishin tt whole cake in 1 week time..haha...

N one of my craziest bday..is i continued go k-ing for 3 days...waAa... after these 3 days,..i realli get sick of k-ing for quite some time...lol..2 days b 4 bday with sec sch fren, eve with ker, bday with my family...waaa.. my thorat also feel a bit sore lo...luckily nv break voice in front of them,.. or else pai seh lei...haha...

i think i shld go n buy toto liao... mayb will open lei... who knows,.. if i win... i can change my hp lo...to the sony ericsion de...or i can buy a Ipod...lolx...Aiyo.., dream too much le la...haha... too bad,.. i m gd in day dreamin ma...got 5 yrs of trainin durin sec sch lei...haha...

我们都没错 只是不适合

Long time nv update my blog le... haiz.. these few days realli happened alot of things...things tt i nv realli expected...

Wat is the main causes... is A stupid game...which he is sooo obessed in....n cause of tt... we quarrelled... n cause of tt we almost broke up... He said.. it is not jus because of game... it is jus tt i m too much... too unreasonable...childish n cannot control my emotion well....Well.. i think most of the gals mayb b tt way too....N mayb..he feel so tired abt our daily conflict n quarrellin...N he said tt.. if i wanna break... tts fine to him,...Y?dun u find is ridiculous? TTS FINE TO HIM...didnt he love mi?y izzit fine!!!!

I cried...i thought tt it is realli the end of our reltionship... i m v sad...i tried not to cry.. but jus dunno y.. tears keep rollin down my eyes without stoppin....when i think back of the good times with him.. i cried again...Listenin to some sentimential songs... tt make mi cry again.haiz... i m such a fragile gal after all...

But at night.. ker came...when she saw mi.. i think i looked fine... n i can smile n joke as per normal...But who knows... who knows how sad m i feelin inside of mi...I m jus a fragile gal with a brave front...

N this progess of cryin n cryin continued for 2 days...i was wonderin.. did he ever missed mi or feelin sad too??But.. i dunno dun think so...N today.. he suddenly turn back to normal...I m wonderin.. whether we r still frens or couple?? N i asked him tt... he said..he nv asked for break at all.. he is jus askin mi abt it....o.O

Dunno y... i dun feel happy at all...But i feel relieved,...so werid...i dunno y m i feelin relieved..mayb the problem is finally comes to a stop n also this is not the end of our realtionship?? i realli dunno..

Hmmm... but i m feelin tt i m being together with a guy tt dun love mi...A realtionship tt has no future...tts so insecure...But still... i have choosen to stay with it...mayb because i still love him...still dun wanna let him go...M i such a stupid gal??lolx.... 我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

FragIie

I dunno y.. recently i m v emotional... everytime feel like cryin...N i m also not feelin well...
With much of those reasons... i decied to stay at home...instead of goin to ben's house....

When i was most fragile.. i realli need him to b by my side... But he didnt...In real life n same as n game...i know i m not a good gf... i didnt know how to show my concern n care towards him.. Izzit because of tt... he treated mi tt way? i dun know....

Mornin.. i told him i m not feelin well... he said... ic... TTs ALL!!!.. wth... pls.. can he said some words to show mi tt he is concern abt mi!!!!WHen i asked him... tts all u wanna said?No words of concern??.....do u know wat he said??i m concern n care abt u... but i realli dunno wat to say...Haiz....

Now then i realise tt... i m too easily to believe in a person...N tt is not a gd thing....Cause this is where betrayal starts...When u believe in a wrong person... they will treat u as a stupid fool.. to fool u round n round...i experience it... n the feels sucks... what a person said... cannot b trusted fully...hmm in other words... it is better to believe in yrself then others...

N with all things tt happened... i also realised 1 thingy...i dun rely on him... cause he dun even side mi when things happened.... he jus knew to side others... wat happened to mi.. to him.. is always a small matters...In his eyes... i m jus a childish gal who is always so blur n navie....Some times i admit tt i m navie, blur n childish.. But pls... tt does mean tt i m always tt... i have times tt i m serious...N i have times tt i know wat i m doin...Pls trust mi ben...i knew u will nv c this...Cause u will not bother to view my blog...but i realli hope tt u have some confidence in mi n b supportive to me??... and.....haiz.... nth...

Ok... write till here ba.. byeeeeeeeeee.. i wonderin.. when can i find a person who will defintely b there for mi n supportin mi when i need him??DUNNO...lol

LoviN U

As usually today i went to ben's house...we have the same routine again.. playin online game with him n watch a bit of the ghost rider DVD...After tt.. he continued his game again...As usually again.. we have some small fights abt the game thingy...

Jus dunno y i have a urge to tell him how i felt sooo long...wat i have tolerate... till now i think it is jus too much for mi to take it anymore....I showed him attitude..hope he will notice mi alitte.. hope he will b concern abt mi.. But he nv...haiz... After some time.. he finally asked mi y m i behavin tt way.. keep showin him attiude...

At first i didnt know wat to said...cause i really feel like cryin... But later... i told him... "i feel tt u dun care abt mi..all u care is game game game!!!" i really can take it anymore...i really felt so neglected by u.., since soooo long... u nv even called mi in the night...tts realli disappoint mi alot.. As i told him long time ago... y still didnt he called!!!!

I doubt my position in his heart...i felt tt i m jus a passerby to him instead of somebody to b treasured...

I doubt he listens to my words...wat i told him... he nv changed...

Sometimes i realli think tt i jus realli meant nth to him... havin mi n havin mi not... is the same....

I doubt his love towards mi...which make mi feel so neglected n insecure...scare tt he would left mi soon...i knew tt day may come... but hope it is not a sad ending....

But when i asked him...Do u love mi??he said yes....

Do i have a place in ur heart?he said yes....

i choose to believe in everything he said....But still.. action speaks louder then words

Lose n emPty

Wow...today is the 23rd day of march.. Another mth is goin to pass v soon...recalled back.. in these 1 mth plus.. i have nv done anything useful...Day by day. i jus let it pass blankly...My mind is thinkin n plannin how m i goin to do with every passin day.. go exercise, go out shoppin blah blah...But when come to relitly.. i nv did any of the things i planned...Cause when a new day starts.. i m so lazy n i will find excuses to do those another day..but tt day seems to b ever reachin...If i could make use of the time to work.. i would.. have enough $$ to go shoppin.. if i could use those days to exercise.. i would have slim 5 kg down.. if i would...if i would.. so many of them... when can i b able to fufil those thoughts...

i feel so lose n empty.. feel so useless...everyday watchin amine n playin online game... how will those b useful to mi?? they r jus merely things to pass time without any trace...When m i able to go on track again... fufil all my thoughts ,wishes n aims.... May my gudiance angel guide my way?....

HaTin mySelF

Haiz.. today is such a bad day..i hava quarrel with my mom... cause she is sick, n she ask my bro to buy cucumber for her.. but...my bro have totally forgotten abt it...

After lunch.. we when home...my mom was damn angry when she knew my bro doesnt bought it... But guess wat... who she scold?? she scolded mi instead!!! fuckin hell... y m i always the zu qi tong of hers... scold n scold.. sayin tt i m infilial.. wanna c her dyin of hunger blah blah...Fuck man... i m not the 1 in fault ok...

She is damn bias...After tt.. she asked mi to buy the cucumber for her.. so i ask her to wait...while i changed my clothes... while waitin.. she keep repeatin scoldin n scoldin...

When i went down..i m thinkin.. they always said tt i m the most fortunate child in the family.. PUI... not at all.. i m either the one being bullied or the one being accused of...My whole life is livin in mistery...Can i voice up... NO! i always do not have the choice... N i m too timid to opposed them...As i know.. i m always at the losin party...

I hate myself.. hate myself for being so useless...hate my timid n unsocliable personality...Many times i think of commitin suicide... but i nv.. cause i m afraid...Many times.. i hurt myself... i feel pain...i saw blood or cuts...but i feel satisfic...

While i m walkin to the shop... tears flowed down continuiously n at the same time.. i m cursin myself for being so useless...N everytime.. while my mom wanna scold my bro.. she will nv scold him directly... she will used mi... she will come to my room... scoldin mi.. but when i flared up.. she will said... shh.. i m jus scoldin ur bro.. can u b more understandin... WTH...i m also ur child..i m also a human...i have feelin too...

Y everyone sees mi as a spoilt child... BUT it is not true at all... mayb i may look cheerful or spoilt... but i m not at all...mayb tt is a way to satisfic myself??? i do not know...i m damn depressed...i even cried on my way to ben ben house...N he nv come down to pick mi up form the bus stop have double my sadness...Haiz...

i wondered who will know how i feel... cause i always kept most of my feelings to myslef....

LoVe Is BlinD

Now i finally believed the pharse of LoVe is Blind....

There the story goes...

i cant forgive him for wat he had done to mi...its Jus too much...

Therefore... i decied to end this relationship....

i didnt want to pick up his call, reply his msg... Jus get him out of my sight...

But.. will u give in to him.. when he apologized or threaten u?No!!! nevereva... break means break...there is on turnin back....

After a few days later....


He was at my void deck with his Bloody finger....He asked mi whether do i wanna continue my nonsence...AT first.. i insisted... but later i gave in...i realli have no choice....


i think i can handle him...dun worry abt mi....

Dear fren...i realli dun wan u to get hurt again...jus wan u to b happy...jus dun wan u to cry again become of someone not worth ur tears....tts y i m angry with u...

i wonderin... no matter wat... u shld jus insisted...But nvm...this is ur choice...hope u will not regret abt it...i may not agreed with wat u have decided... But... i will always b there by ur side when u need mi...when u feel like cryin...i can always lend my shoulder to u n provide u with tissue...

There is no point of continuing a broken relationship...which have no future ahead...

Once a Glass have been broken... No matter how u gule it back... there will still b Cracks....

Those things tt i miss.....

Miss you...

Miss ur phone call...

Miss ur sweet talk...

Miss our little quarrel our the phone...

Miss walkin in the park together with u under the bright moon light...

Miss u sendin me back home...

Miss takin the lift together with u...

Miss sittin down together with u chattin under the void deck...

Miss goin to the playground with u...

Miss lookin at nice night scenary over the tall buildin with u...

It has been so long... that i have already have a blur image abt those sweet things tt we have done...

It may seems to b simple... but i realli treasure those time together....

Can i reverse the time... n experience those things with u again...realli Miss it...

IcE cReAM....LoW fAt... waAaa...hehe

YOYO!! haha today i n lao ker go sentosa for an interview.. n 90percen we r able to get tt job...hmm it is abt sellin ice cream.. newzeland de wor... low fat de.. so dun need to worry... haha..hmm i m imaginin i can try out different favour of ice cream each day... tt will b fun n great.. haha...

BUT.. dun have to much expectation for the job first... i scare tt it will disappoint mi...i dunno wat to b disappoint abt.. but jus tt... everytime i think positivity of a thingy... it will turn up to b disappointtin...so i usually dun think in a postive way... can say i m pessimistic ba..

Btw.. ker fren is quite cute... he talked alot.. n say alot of cold jokes...lol..keep makin fun of ppl..say i m so quite... wanna play hard to get...-______-''' Pls.. cant i b jus shy...

i feel tt actually we r quite bad lei... ker promised him to sun tannin after tt de... but sorRy... i was really hungry n feelin uncomfortable de... so we have to Ps him.. left him alone lo... BUT.. dun worry.. he have alot of frens there...so after we left... he joined his fren lo...

AiyO.. dunno y ... recently i m always soooooooooo hungry... cant stop eatin... arghhhhhh... can some1 help mi... i dun wanna b fat... but i cant stop eatin too...-_-''' N plus 1 most impt thing... i m too lazy to exercise...Sorry... jus dun have tt determination...BUT... i must started to train myself for it le... or else... it is hard for mi to success n achive my aims....

Hmm.. later i m goin to ask xiao wang wanna work at sentosa or not... think she will b damm happi de lo.. cause she can eat ice cream everyday n grow fatter..lol...Dunno where have she gone to... not online the whole day...-________-''''

kkkkkkk.. let mi end here.. continue to watch my anime le... sooooo nice.... byeeeeeeee

Thoughts of mine...

Haiz... i m so bored rottin at home.. so i decied to blog again...actually today ben n mi were goin to watch moive 300 de... but... nv again....one week passed again...how many weeks later can i b able to watch the movie tt i liked... like Ghost rider...he told mi, he will bring mi to watch it... but in the end... nv again...how sad i m... to hear it again...i always tryin to b a so call understandin gf... even if he delay weeks by weeks not to watch movie... i m acttin like i dun mind at all... cause i dun wanna qurrel... but do u think i dun realli mind... Frankly speakin... i Mind! mind like hell... but who knows... but actually at times.. when i dun feel like hidin my feelings.. i may show some attitude to him...haha...hey.. i m not gd in hidin my feelings de ok...hmm all this mayb is jus my 1 side thought nia....but i jus feel like writin my thought out ma...

Last time.. i did kept a diary.. so i can write my thoughts in it...but due to my laziness i stopped writin anymore.... n now the diary is no where to b found.. i think i lost it..haha

i realli feel v miserable hidin all my feelings inside mi... at times i feel like burstin out... cause i always feel tt whatever happened to mi... if i talked everythingy out... the next moment i will b fine...lol...

Nvm.. tml i n lao ker will b goin for an job interview at sentosa... wonder if we can get the job...haha.. if can.. tt will b great..ooOo.. sentosa got a lot of shuai ge wor..wahahah..*evil* if we got the job... we will go sun tannin after work or swimmin in the sea... then i can slim down lo...

waAa.. recently i realli gain alot of weight lei...SoMeBoDy said i gained weight le wor... saded... so i decied to slim down le... i have exercise plan planned out with py..haha... we r goin to jog at the park near my house....

I wanted to learn belly dance lei... who wanna learn with mi... i saw those belly dancer.. wow... their figure damn nice n stommach r damn flat... Oooooo... dunno when then i can b like then wor.. so envious....but i dun dare to learn alone lei....whose who wanna learn with mi can Pm mi... dun b shy wor....lolx...

k la... i go eat my lunch lo... byeeeeeeeee...

So BoRing......gOodNewS!!!!!!!

I m realli too damn bo liao as since holidays started... i have been rottin at home... first 2 weeks playin online game...nxt 2 weeks.. rottin like mad...cause the online game i m playin is a beta nia... account will b delted.. so no point trainin liao... waaa train till lvl 44 le lo... sian diao...

Now no more gamin lo... wanna find job.. but no ppl wanna hire mi...cause the workin duration tt i can is too short... jus 1 mth plus nia...haiz... i wanna find a job n work n earn $$..

Now i m pok le lo... no more $$ to spend liao... i still have throng of things tt i wanna buy...eh btw... recently i m addicited to online shoppin lei... clothes r imported from overseas n all r damn nice...online shoppin r suitable for lazy person like mi... lazy goin to shoppin..hehe... Next time i wanna create my owe blog to sell thingy also... sounds cool ma... ppl must support mi wor...wahaha...

BTW results r out today!!!!!!! mornin i m so damn scared.. cause i realli have no confidence in myself this time round.. i scare my account will fail... cause i realli havin a hard time understand n doin it...but thanks to the help from jx n lao ker.. i manage to pass my account!!! thanks ya babe!!lolx...

Heng ar... i manage to pass all my module...haha... but my grades r not gd lei... haiz.. cannot blame any1... i m jus too lazy le... nv realli study... n many of my frens r gettin worried abt mi b4 the reults r out too...lol... so happi...

ok la... v late le wor.. goin to slp le... tata.. nite....ZzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzz