Haiz.. today is such a bad day..i hava quarrel with my mom... cause she is sick, n she ask my bro to buy cucumber for her.. but...my bro have totally forgotten abt it...
After lunch.. we when home...my mom was damn angry when she knew my bro doesnt bought it... But guess wat... who she scold?? she scolded mi instead!!! fuckin hell... y m i always the zu qi tong of hers... scold n scold.. sayin tt i m infilial.. wanna c her dyin of hunger blah blah...Fuck man... i m not the 1 in fault ok...
She is damn bias...After tt.. she asked mi to buy the cucumber for her.. so i ask her to wait...while i changed my clothes... while waitin.. she keep repeatin scoldin n scoldin...
When i went down..i m thinkin.. they always said tt i m the most fortunate child in the family.. PUI... not at all.. i m either the one being bullied or the one being accused of...My whole life is livin in mistery...Can i voice up... NO! i always do not have the choice... N i m too timid to opposed them...As i know.. i m always at the losin party...
I hate myself.. hate myself for being so useless...hate my timid n unsocliable personality...Many times i think of commitin suicide... but i nv.. cause i m afraid...Many times.. i hurt myself... i feel pain...i saw blood or cuts...but i feel satisfic...
While i m walkin to the shop... tears flowed down continuiously n at the same time.. i m cursin myself for being so useless...N everytime.. while my mom wanna scold my bro.. she will nv scold him directly... she will used mi... she will come to my room... scoldin mi.. but when i flared up.. she will said... shh.. i m jus scoldin ur bro.. can u b more understandin... WTH...i m also ur child..i m also a human...i have feelin too...
Y everyone sees mi as a spoilt child... BUT it is not true at all... mayb i may look cheerful or spoilt... but i m not at all...mayb tt is a way to satisfic myself??? i do not know...i m damn depressed...i even cried on my way to ben ben house...N he nv come down to pick mi up form the bus stop have double my sadness...Haiz...
i wondered who will know how i feel... cause i always kept most of my feelings to myslef....
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